I've never really considered myself particularly religious person. I did a stint in catholic school in elementary school and was required to attend services, and I did "rejoin" the catholic church while my husband was ill. The time while my hubs was ill was honestly more of an educational experience and my insistence on supervising my youngest daughter after she expressed interest in joining at the suggestion of a close relative. I attended the RCIA classes and they were held by a really cool, surprisingly progressive 20 something and until the day I went the class with him not leading, I found it interesting and a non-judgy place to learn and ask questions. I won't get into how embarrassingly absurd the topics of conversation were when he wasn't present. It did serve as a nice distraction for me and my daughter during that terrible time, but I knew I wasn't fully into it. Over the years I dipped my toe into churches from different religions, mostly Christian, but I never really felt moved to stay. I have friends on the whole range of the religious spectrum, from atheist to believe-the-bible-literally. I even considered myself atheist for some time in my 20's, but still felt that it was important to do the right thing, or at least try to, just to be a decent human.
I was thinking about this because I now have a firmly rooted spiritual belief system. It developed over the past 4-5 years and yes, it did involve some psychedelic medication (no really, I was prescribed ketamine for major depression). I now understand how people can go all in on religion and faith. Still, I don't consider myself a religious person, I just don't feel I need to belong to a faith community or practice group rituals to feel spiritually fulfilled.
I have also been thinking about things related to ADHD, I'm in the editing phase of a book about parenting a kid with ADHD and I can't help but look back at some of the impulsive and dumb things I did as a kid and young adult. One thing is for sure, there is a genetic component for my kid in this case, lol.
Why am I writing this blog about both religion and ADHD? Looking back, I can see that in my impulsivity and choices in life, I always knew, like knew to my core that I would be ok. I knew that I would never end up without food and shelter. I knew without certainty. It looked like (and often was) just poor choices, but I was always, without a doubt going to be fine. I have had some pretty terrible things happen in my life and I don't believe death of a loved one is something that needs to happen for some greater cause, but I still know that I will be fine. I will make it through. I will never want for anything I need. It took me until the ripe age of 44 to really know what faith is, and that is it. Trusting that (insert greater power/force here) will always have my back. In life and even after, weather that is a beautiful cloudy heaven or just energy being dispersed through the universe.